Is the self love movement leading us to self loath?
Firstly, I do not want this piece to come across as a fight against the self-love or wellness industry, it is actually the complete opposite, I think it is extremely positive that these terms have become so mainstream. I am all about self-love, well-being, making positive changes in your life. However, it is becoming apparent to me that there may be some danger in these movements...
In a world that survives off consumerism, it is not entirely surprising that the well-being sector has become yet another thing for us to consume. Meditation and yoga, for example, are inherently free and non-materialistic practices, using our body, mind, and breath, nothing else is necessary. Eating well and taking time for yourself also needn't be expensive and full of 'superfoods' such as spirulina. Yet we are told we need a meditation cushion, we need a meditation app subscription, we need an expensive yoga mat or a yoga outfit costing over £100, we need superfoods, and celery juices etc etc. It is the nature of the modern world to tell us and convince us to buy these things to assist us in these practices, when in fact it is not needed. It is this mass spread of money-making and fashion in self-love and wellness industries that I think presents a caution or danger that we should become aware of. The 'Treat Yourself' movement has become synonymous with self-love, and I think this is an issue. Spending money we don't have on things we don't need is not self-love, nor is it good for our mental well-being. Not only that but seeing the person across from us in the latest Lululemon kit might easily make us feel like either we want that outfit too, or that we are not as good as them. Consumerism is arguably turning the well-being movement into something that is detrimental to our mental well-being.
The second aspect that I believe the popular self-love and wellness businesses are becoming detrimental to our mental well-being and self-love is in high expectations set out for us. It is quite easy to view the wellness world as toxic when in a time of social media seeing a girl on a beach in Bali with her leg over her head may not make the viewer - not a size 6, sitting at her 9-5 job in raining London - feel great about themselves. Of course, if you are in the position where you are on a beach practicing yoga, living your best life, amazing and great that we can share this with the world - but it also puts a high expectation onto the average person of what 'wellness,' a perfect lifestyle or self-love should look like... Similarly, we hear with increasing frequency of successful people saying that they wake up at 5am, drink celery juice, work out, do yoga and meditation, and have a fruit platter for breakfast. This then makes the average person feel awful about their morning, rushing around to run out the door, toast in hand. I also don't believe that rushing in the morning is a positive, but there has to be a balance and a goal that is achievable to the individual. At the moment, it is instead, setting an unrealistic aim that makes us feel forced to make a positive and productive morning routine. I truly believe that a positive morning routine is something that is amazing, and I definitely promote it. However, it seems to be becoming a strict list and rules that one feels they have to follow otherwise they're a failure - completely taking away the notion of self-care. These expectations create self-judgment and criticism instead of self-love and acceptance.
Instead, I think self-love is taking yourself to the gym, a yoga class, whatever it may be and taking joy in the fact that you can do that, in a body that can move and do incredible things - if you can't do the splits that is not the point. Self-love is not pushing yourself to do some elaborate 2-hour morning routine, perhaps it is just taking 10 minutes to enjoy your coffee without your phone or rushing around. Self-love is perhaps choosing to take today off from the gym because you are nor feeling it. Self-love has become full of self-judgment. We need to stop being so critical of ourselves, and instead, start accepting where we are at and doing small things that are beneficial to us.
In a world that survives off consumerism, it is not entirely surprising that the well-being sector has become yet another thing for us to consume. Meditation and yoga, for example, are inherently free and non-materialistic practices, using our body, mind, and breath, nothing else is necessary. Eating well and taking time for yourself also needn't be expensive and full of 'superfoods' such as spirulina. Yet we are told we need a meditation cushion, we need a meditation app subscription, we need an expensive yoga mat or a yoga outfit costing over £100, we need superfoods, and celery juices etc etc. It is the nature of the modern world to tell us and convince us to buy these things to assist us in these practices, when in fact it is not needed. It is this mass spread of money-making and fashion in self-love and wellness industries that I think presents a caution or danger that we should become aware of. The 'Treat Yourself' movement has become synonymous with self-love, and I think this is an issue. Spending money we don't have on things we don't need is not self-love, nor is it good for our mental well-being. Not only that but seeing the person across from us in the latest Lululemon kit might easily make us feel like either we want that outfit too, or that we are not as good as them. Consumerism is arguably turning the well-being movement into something that is detrimental to our mental well-being.
The second aspect that I believe the popular self-love and wellness businesses are becoming detrimental to our mental well-being and self-love is in high expectations set out for us. It is quite easy to view the wellness world as toxic when in a time of social media seeing a girl on a beach in Bali with her leg over her head may not make the viewer - not a size 6, sitting at her 9-5 job in raining London - feel great about themselves. Of course, if you are in the position where you are on a beach practicing yoga, living your best life, amazing and great that we can share this with the world - but it also puts a high expectation onto the average person of what 'wellness,' a perfect lifestyle or self-love should look like... Similarly, we hear with increasing frequency of successful people saying that they wake up at 5am, drink celery juice, work out, do yoga and meditation, and have a fruit platter for breakfast. This then makes the average person feel awful about their morning, rushing around to run out the door, toast in hand. I also don't believe that rushing in the morning is a positive, but there has to be a balance and a goal that is achievable to the individual. At the moment, it is instead, setting an unrealistic aim that makes us feel forced to make a positive and productive morning routine. I truly believe that a positive morning routine is something that is amazing, and I definitely promote it. However, it seems to be becoming a strict list and rules that one feels they have to follow otherwise they're a failure - completely taking away the notion of self-care. These expectations create self-judgment and criticism instead of self-love and acceptance.
Instead, I think self-love is taking yourself to the gym, a yoga class, whatever it may be and taking joy in the fact that you can do that, in a body that can move and do incredible things - if you can't do the splits that is not the point. Self-love is not pushing yourself to do some elaborate 2-hour morning routine, perhaps it is just taking 10 minutes to enjoy your coffee without your phone or rushing around. Self-love is perhaps choosing to take today off from the gym because you are nor feeling it. Self-love has become full of self-judgment. We need to stop being so critical of ourselves, and instead, start accepting where we are at and doing small things that are beneficial to us.
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| self-care to me here is learning, yoga, friends, sharing and tea |
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